Squatting in the corner of my local pub (literally, as there was not so much as a square inch of free space), I couldn’t deny my excitement. There were little girls in various forms of princess costumes, waving flags with avid enthusiasm, and the undeniable buzz that was in the atmosphere coming from the genuine and unblemished excitement of the British people, that was intoxicating. But then realistically, how often do you get to enjoy a royal wedding? Let alone such a glamorous affair as Will and Kate’s was destined to be. I wouldn’t class myself as a royalist, but I was hooked. There wasn’t a moment I wanted to miss; I oohed and awed at all the right places, I squealed when it looked like the ring wasn’t going to go on, and yes, I stood to sing the national anthem. In hindsight, the atmosphere was much like that of a vital football match, only with much more champagne and far less swearing. Then, quite suddenly, I got ticked off.
‘The future King of England is today marrying a commoner…’ – Commoner? Let’s look at that term shall we: com·mon·er n. 1. One of the common people. Somehow I don’t see Kate Middleton epitomising many people’s idea of common people, even by Pulps standard.
I SAID PRETEND YOU’VE GOT NO MONEY, SHE JUST LAUGHED AND SAID OH YOU’RE SO FUNNY…
As far as I’m concerned, common people are the people who were standing around me in the pub. The real common people, who didn’t end up marrying Royalty. In fact it seems to be something of a trend among royals in the 21st century to be marrying ‘commoners’; crown Princess Victoria of Sweden married her personal trainer on June 21st 2010, and in my opinion Daniel Westling was my idea of a commoner- a personal trainer marrying King Carl XVI Gustaf’s daughter? I bet daddy was happy. But realistically, Kate Middleton was put into the age old ‘factory for the fortunate’. Granted, she comes from what one might term ‘new money’, but its money nonetheless, and she has lived something of a blessed life since she was a child. Put into the best schools, including Marlborough College (which was in 2005 discovered by The Times to have been running a price-fixing cartel costing parents in excess of £3million), a school which was described by The Good Schools Guide to be a ‘Famous, designer label, co-ed boarding school’, I wouldn’t exactly say she’s been slumming it.
So as I watched the car drive ever closer the Abbey, I couldn’t help but think about all those other women out there, the thousands that applied to St Andrew’s class of 2001 in the hope of an epic royal romance in what was known as the ‘Prince William Effect’, who were probably at home yelling/sobbing at their TV screaming ‘it should’ve been me!’. In fairness, there is no reason it couldn’t have been; all it takes is to come from a family with hefty amounts of cash to throw at your education and put you into any and every social event and wham, you’re in with a chance to become future Queen. It’s a lovely idea to suggest that Kate and Wills were meant to be together, that it was fate, but realistically to hang out in the crowd with the future King, you have to be of a certain class, and with a certain amount of money floating around to live that lifestyle. You wouldn’t have a scholarship girl from a Glasgow estate hopping on private planes to exclusive ski resorts.
RENT A FLAT ABOVE A SHOP, CUT YOUR HAIR AND GET A JOB
So despite her astonishingly exclusive education, what has Kate Middleton actually done with it? Of course the short answer is marry a Prince, but you don’t need a degree in art history for that. In fact all she has actually done is work for a short spell as a retail assistant in Jigsaw, leaving only a three line paragraph on her Wikipedia page under the headline ‘career’.
I’m probably starting to sound bitter, but maybe I am. Isn’t it a bit of a blow for the feminist movement that one of our key figureheads’ main achievement in life was marriage? It’s all she will be known for, despite having all the opportunities to be great for entirely different reasons. There was nothing stopping her making a name for herself using her own merit. At best it looks like she’s become something of a style icon, but how much of that is really her? No doubt the royals get plenty of help there, however questionable that may be judging the headgear sported by Princess Beatrice at the wedding. Yet somehow I doubt in another life she would have walked down the aisle in a custom made wedding dress from the house of Alexander McQueen with the work of 60 lace-makers by her ‘common’ feet, so I guess she has the last laugh.
YOU’LL NEVER DO WHAT COMMON PEOPLE DO
‘Well, she played the long game,’ my mother smiled amongst cheers from the hordes in the pub. I laughed in reply, ‘yeah, well she won!’ Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge was waving in refined euphoria to the adoring thousands below her and her husband below the balcony of Buckingham Palace. At the end of the day, she was waving goodbye to Kate the Commoner, and has now embarked her new life with her new title and new hubby- though I can’t picture Catherine Middleton ever referring to her Prince as ‘hubby’ somehow. So the final curtain has closed on the great royal romance, and all that is left is the hope that this marriage is a little more successful than Wills’ fathers, and indeed the growing trend in the UK with one in three marriages ending in divorce. No pressure then.
